My column from March 11, 2017
Life moves so fast.
One day you are 21 and holding a newborn boy.
You blink.
He is taking his first steps.
Blink again and it is his first day of kindergarten. You
take the morning off from work and walk him to school.
A few more blinks and he is starting middle school and
trying to pretend he does not know you.
Blink.
He’s driving a car.
At first you wish for a brake pedal on the passenger side,
but soon you are so comfortable with him behind the wheel you can read a book
as he drives.
Blink.
He’s graduating from high school and off to college, opting
to attend your alma mater as the third generation of your family to matriculate
there.
Blink again.
He’s sitting across from you, laughing with friends after
you buy him a drink at your favorite college bar.
My son is now half my age, and I made the five-hour trip
north to visit him the day after his 21st birthday, packing a card, gift, and
cake.
I’m not sure how the years slipped by so fast. The little
boy who snuggled next to me each night as I read aloud to him was soon reading
himself.
Now he is an adult.
He’s paying rent and utilities, and balancing a campus job
with his class schedule. He buys vegetables when grocery shopping and ditched
sugar-sweetened cereals for oatmeal made with nuts, dried fruit and flax seed.
He bought himself a coffee maker and liked it so much he bought me one for my
birthday. He now offers hugs and responds in kind when I tell him I love him.
I’m fairly certain he is more mature than I am.
Raising a child on my own forced me to grow up very fast,
and I find myself regressing a bit now that I no longer have the daily
responsibility of caring for someone other than myself. Despite my failings and
the challenges faced as a single parent, I think he turned into an amazing
young man. (I recognize my bias in this.)
He shares my stubbornness and tendency to be contrary and
competitive and we find many of the same things funny. But in a recent social
media post, when someone tried to challenge the view he shared, he stayed calm
in his responses, using reason and logic and backing up his statements with
data. I was so proud.
While my job as a parent is not over, I appreciate the
rewards of having an adult child. I enjoy hanging out with him, listening to
his views on current events and watching him interact with others.
On Facebook, I belong to a group of parents whose offspring
also attend Michigan Tech. Many of them seem unable to let go, trying to
micromanage their students’ lives from afar, helping them find rides home on
school breaks, asking what activities their students should get involved in and
even complaining about how tough tests at MTU can be. I find it appalling.
Don’t they have lives of their own?
While I have the ability to check my son’s grades online, I
don’t. I occasionally ask him how classes are going, but it is up to him to
maintain a GPA high enough to keep his scholarships. I admire my son’s
independence while making sure he knows my door is always open to him.
While I miss the adorable toddler, and even the sometimes
sullen (and always sarcastic) teen, I am so proud of the young man he grew up
to be.
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