Waiting for the bloom to wear off

Waiting For the Bloom to Wear Off

My column from April 15, 2017

Ah spring…

When the sun rises earlier and birds start their day with a song. What was once grey and brown begins to brighten.The grass grows green, trees begin to bud, flowers bloom and people welcome the approach of summer.

Not me, though.

Spring is trying to kill me.

And anyone else suffering from seasonal allergies.

While I would love to throw open the windows and patio door in my apartment and let in fresh air, the screens are not fine enough to protect me from a tiny enemy.

As birds and critters become twitterpated with courtship rituals to create new generations, all things green and growing – trees, grasses and plants – send out pollen.

My body rejects it.

Painfully.

Advertisement (1 of 1): 0:30

My eyes burn, water and itch, my nose runs like a faucet stuck in the ON position and I sneeze so hard that I suspect my lungs hit the “EJECT” button. A meme comparing pollen to the Death Star resonates with me.

I take medicine for seasonal allergies, and use a nasal spray. Drops help prevent me from clawing my eyeballs out of my skull and I wear glasses instead of contacts. I lack the makeup skills to cover up the dark circles under my eyes, another symptom of allergic reactions.

There have been a few mornings where my reaction to pollen became so severe I almost wished for death. I exaggerate, what I really wanted was to take a dose of diphenhydramine and render myself unconscious. (Better known by a brand name that rhymes with “senate bill.”)

I regret not investing in stock from companies that produce facial tissue, as I go through boxes fast enough to singlehandedly bump up prices

Meanwhile, my mostly white cat begins shedding enough hair to create a new coat for a kitten. Anything navy or black in my wardrobe requires many passes of a lint roller to be presentable in public.

Taking a daily dose of local honey is said to help a body build a resistance to pollen. I plan to track some down and try it.

I long to spend time outdoors. Mornings- when I like to run, are also when the most pollen is in the air. Perhaps I should consider wearing veils to help me survive spring. Veils seem far more fashionable than the surgical facemasks that cover the nose and mouth.

I’ve reached an age though, where I care more about comfort than fashion. So if you see someone wandering around with a blue mask, I swear I’m not contagious.

I’m just trying to survive spring.