Find Your Tribe

Find Your TribeMy column from May 5, 2017.

One of my many nicknames in college was “Ice Queen.”

Friends dubbed me with this moniker for appearing standoffish. While some may have perceived me as snobby, it was really shyness and a lack of self-confidence. Those who made it past my “defenses” helped me discover the courage to be me.

During that time, I tried to write an essay about feeling as if I hid behind masks. I struggled with my sense of identity and writing helped me discover both it and my purpose. While I still feared alienating people or disappointing my family, I dug deep and found the courage to shed the masks and the confidence to allow myself to be ME. I like to say that I embraced my inner nerd/geek/dork.

I cannot imagine life without the friends I made during those years. Or stress enough the value in surrounding yourself with people who get you. Those who can see behind social artifices to your inner “weirdo” and are willing to say, “I’m weird too.” There is an online meme that says when you find people who share your quirks, you have found your “tribe.”

Your tribe may become the first to recognize when something is wrong, and also the first to call you out if you behave badly.

What is a tribe? Author Seth Godin said we need only two things to be a tribe: “a shared interest and a way to communicate.”

I consider myself fortunate to belong to many tribes – in my family, friends from high school and college, and even those I’ve met online, most of whom I’ve never met in person.

I discovered a special group of friends through our shared love of the TV show “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” We first met in an online newsgroup, and began meeting regularly in chat rooms to talk about the show. We stayed connected through an email group, though most of us now keep in touch through Facebook.

I found another tribe through my efforts to improve my health – they enjoy the same workouts I do – kettlebell, kickboxing, running and more. We challenge and support each other and often get together outside the gym. I joined another tribe online by using a running app on my phone to track my miles. This group of runners includes those who run ultra marathons to those training for their first 5K. We offer support when participating in running events, share tips and suggestions for running-related products, sympathize with injuries and congratulate each other for meeting milestones.

Among my tribes are those who share my views, but also those who challenge my views. We may not change each others’ minds, but we learn from the experience.

Have you found your tribe?