Life moves too fast

Life Moves Too Fast

My column from March 11, 2017

Life moves so fast.

One day you are 21 and holding a newborn boy.

You blink.

He is taking his first steps.

Blink again and it is his first day of kindergarten. You take the morning off from work and walk him to school.

A few more blinks and he is starting middle school and trying to pretend he does not know you.

Blink.

He’s driving a car.

At first you wish for a brake pedal on the passenger side, but soon you are so comfortable with him behind the wheel you can read a book as he drives.

Blink.

He’s graduating from high school and off to college, opting to attend your alma mater as the third generation of your family to matriculate there.

Blink again.

He’s sitting across from you, laughing with friends after you buy him a drink at your favorite college bar.

My son is now half my age, and I made the five-hour trip north to visit him the day after his 21st birthday, packing a card, gift, and cake.

I’m not sure how the years slipped by so fast. The little boy who snuggled next to me each night as I read aloud to him was soon reading himself.

Now he is an adult.

He’s paying rent and utilities, and balancing a campus job with his class schedule. He buys vegetables when grocery shopping and ditched sugar-sweetened cereals for oatmeal made with nuts, dried fruit and flax seed. He bought himself a coffee maker and liked it so much he bought me one for my birthday. He now offers hugs and responds in kind when I tell him I love him.

I’m fairly certain he is more mature than I am.

Raising a child on my own forced me to grow up very fast, and I find myself regressing a bit now that I no longer have the daily responsibility of caring for someone other than myself. Despite my failings and the challenges faced as a single parent, I think he turned into an amazing young man. (I recognize my bias in this.)

He shares my stubbornness and tendency to be contrary and competitive and we find many of the same things funny. But in a recent social media post, when someone tried to challenge the view he shared, he stayed calm in his responses, using reason and logic and backing up his statements with data. I was so proud.

While my job as a parent is not over, I appreciate the rewards of having an adult child. I enjoy hanging out with him, listening to his views on current events and watching him interact with others.

On Facebook, I belong to a group of parents whose offspring also attend Michigan Tech. Many of them seem unable to let go, trying to micromanage their students’ lives from afar, helping them find rides home on school breaks, asking what activities their students should get involved in and even complaining about how tough tests at MTU can be. I find it appalling. Don’t they have lives of their own?

While I have the ability to check my son’s grades online, I don’t. I occasionally ask him how classes are going, but it is up to him to maintain a GPA high enough to keep his scholarships. I admire my son’s independence while making sure he knows my door is always open to him.

While I miss the adorable toddler, and even the sometimes sullen (and always sarcastic) teen, I am so proud of the young man he grew up to be.

Waiting for the bloom to wear off

Waiting For the Bloom to Wear Off

My column from April 15, 2017

Ah spring…

When the sun rises earlier and birds start their day with a song. What was once grey and brown begins to brighten.The grass grows green, trees begin to bud, flowers bloom and people welcome the approach of summer.

Not me, though.

Spring is trying to kill me.

And anyone else suffering from seasonal allergies.

While I would love to throw open the windows and patio door in my apartment and let in fresh air, the screens are not fine enough to protect me from a tiny enemy.

As birds and critters become twitterpated with courtship rituals to create new generations, all things green and growing – trees, grasses and plants – send out pollen.

My body rejects it.

Painfully.

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My eyes burn, water and itch, my nose runs like a faucet stuck in the ON position and I sneeze so hard that I suspect my lungs hit the “EJECT” button. A meme comparing pollen to the Death Star resonates with me.

I take medicine for seasonal allergies, and use a nasal spray. Drops help prevent me from clawing my eyeballs out of my skull and I wear glasses instead of contacts. I lack the makeup skills to cover up the dark circles under my eyes, another symptom of allergic reactions.

There have been a few mornings where my reaction to pollen became so severe I almost wished for death. I exaggerate, what I really wanted was to take a dose of diphenhydramine and render myself unconscious. (Better known by a brand name that rhymes with “senate bill.”)

I regret not investing in stock from companies that produce facial tissue, as I go through boxes fast enough to singlehandedly bump up prices

Meanwhile, my mostly white cat begins shedding enough hair to create a new coat for a kitten. Anything navy or black in my wardrobe requires many passes of a lint roller to be presentable in public.

Taking a daily dose of local honey is said to help a body build a resistance to pollen. I plan to track some down and try it.

I long to spend time outdoors. Mornings- when I like to run, are also when the most pollen is in the air. Perhaps I should consider wearing veils to help me survive spring. Veils seem far more fashionable than the surgical facemasks that cover the nose and mouth.

I’ve reached an age though, where I care more about comfort than fashion. So if you see someone wandering around with a blue mask, I swear I’m not contagious.

I’m just trying to survive spring.

Find Your Tribe

Find Your TribeMy column from May 5, 2017.

One of my many nicknames in college was “Ice Queen.”

Friends dubbed me with this moniker for appearing standoffish. While some may have perceived me as snobby, it was really shyness and a lack of self-confidence. Those who made it past my “defenses” helped me discover the courage to be me.

During that time, I tried to write an essay about feeling as if I hid behind masks. I struggled with my sense of identity and writing helped me discover both it and my purpose. While I still feared alienating people or disappointing my family, I dug deep and found the courage to shed the masks and the confidence to allow myself to be ME. I like to say that I embraced my inner nerd/geek/dork.

I cannot imagine life without the friends I made during those years. Or stress enough the value in surrounding yourself with people who get you. Those who can see behind social artifices to your inner “weirdo” and are willing to say, “I’m weird too.” There is an online meme that says when you find people who share your quirks, you have found your “tribe.”

Your tribe may become the first to recognize when something is wrong, and also the first to call you out if you behave badly.

What is a tribe? Author Seth Godin said we need only two things to be a tribe: “a shared interest and a way to communicate.”

I consider myself fortunate to belong to many tribes – in my family, friends from high school and college, and even those I’ve met online, most of whom I’ve never met in person.

I discovered a special group of friends through our shared love of the TV show “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” We first met in an online newsgroup, and began meeting regularly in chat rooms to talk about the show. We stayed connected through an email group, though most of us now keep in touch through Facebook.

I found another tribe through my efforts to improve my health – they enjoy the same workouts I do – kettlebell, kickboxing, running and more. We challenge and support each other and often get together outside the gym. I joined another tribe online by using a running app on my phone to track my miles. This group of runners includes those who run ultra marathons to those training for their first 5K. We offer support when participating in running events, share tips and suggestions for running-related products, sympathize with injuries and congratulate each other for meeting milestones.

Among my tribes are those who share my views, but also those who challenge my views. We may not change each others’ minds, but we learn from the experience.

Have you found your tribe?

Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree...

I subscribe to the philosophy, "Anything worth doing is worth over-doing."

When I signed up in July for my third Run Santa Run 5K, I opted to run in the new costume - a Christmas tree. The race fee includes a shirt and hat/headgear to fit each costume. The event, held the first Saturday of December in Madison, draws a large crowd to Capitol Square.

Other costume options included elf, reindeer or Santa. I ran as a reindeer my first year. In my second, I tried snowman. Each year I embellished a bit, adding a blinking red nose to play Rudolph and a snowman print dress, snowman jingle bell earrings, a scarf and an orange (carrot) nose my second time out.

Inspired by the creative costumes of others from my first two years of participating, I decided to bring it this year.

I went full Christmas tree. 

Or as close as I could get. 

Who knew that the brown leggings I sought (to represent a tree trunk) would be so hard to find?
I opted for candy cane striped socks. 
Or that the race shirt for the tree costume would be white?

I bought a tree costume online, complete with a gold star on top and round "ornaments." Then I added gold garland and two battery operated LED light strings. 

I secured the garland and lights to the costume with safety pins, and stuffed the star topper with plastic bags to try to keep it upright. Wearing the tree hat included with the race package also helped me keep it up. I wormed my way into the costume, asked for help from my friend to adjust it and turned on the light packs.

When one appears in public dressed up, the best option is to just own it. I smiled and greeted those who smiled back. 
We swapped holiday greetings or I thanked them for complimenting my costume. I accepted high fives, and loved it when another race participant, passing me on State Street long after the run ended, told me, "You won today." A barista at Starbucks, where we stopped for a post-race refreshment, told me that I really knew how to light up a room. My favorite reactions came from children. Their eyes would get wide, and some would tug on their mom or dad's hand to point me out. I received a few shy smiles, a some cute little waves. I distributed holiday-themed wristbands to children participating in the race.

There are those who pretended not to see me, and I suspect they may be inured to the spectacles common to State Street.

State Street offers such an amazing window on humanity, bringing together people of different races, ethnicities, gender identification, spiritual beliefs and more.

There are coffee bars, candy stores, shops offering funky and unique items, and great bars and restaurants offering cuisines not found in the small town where I live. One also runs into people who are down on their luck, too many who appear to live on the street.

So when several thousand people showed up in costume for a fun run, they fit right in.

Now, I acknowledge that part of my personality is attention seeking. It falls in with my horoscope sign- Leo. That side of my personality wars with my inner introvert, who would prefer to be a wallflower (or just stay home and read.)
Fourteen years at my former job helped me tamp down that more introverted side and learn to embrace meeting new people. I still talk to strangers, offering sincere compliments.

I've battled depression and anxiety for most of my life. Accepting that faulty brain chemistry causes many of my emotional swings helps. So do the meds that help keep those swings on more of an even keel. I learned to accept and love myself and all my quirks, and discovered the best weapon when fighting darkness.

Light.

I embrace the weird, and try to find ways to bring smiles. I soak in positive energy and do my best to radiate it back out as joy.
Happy Holidays!

Delayed humble brag

My work earned several awards from the Wisconsin Newspaper Association's Better Newspaper Contest. The awards were announced on Feb. 24.
Citizen staff earns awards

My feature story, "Saving grace" earned a second place award.
Saving Grace

I submitted three Lifestyles issues: January 30-31, 2016; March 12-13, 2016; and July 9-10, 2016. I serve as the features editor, and Lifestyles has been my responsibility since 2009, so it was lovely to see the section earn second place. I can't share the full issues here, but can include links to stories and columns that ran in those issues.
Capturing the light
Bicycle tour helps tell a story

Please pick up after pets

Early childhood educators offer advice
School offers childcare
Athlete serves as inspiration

I submitted these three columns, which received third place:
Five years gone by
Great educators inspire students
Make a reading resolution


 For the first 10 years on the job, I did not submit entries to the contest because I am my own worst critic. While the best feedback for my work is a response from the subject of the story, other journalists serve as the judges for the contest, and it feels good to be recognized by my peers.