Some Assembly Required

Originally published August 2005

Some Assembly Required

With the summer heat, the air conditioning unit in my house can’t seem to keep the second floor cool enough for sleeping. I own one 20-inch box fan, but my son and I have been squabbling over who gets to have it in their room at night. So, on Tuesday evening, I bought two tower fans on clearance, one for each of us. I opened the box for one fan just before my son’s bedtime, expecting to just put it in his room and plug it in.

No such luck. I’d overlooked the microscopic printing on the box, with the phrase so many dread. The three foulest words in the English language...“Some assembly required.”
Now, I spent over six years as a technical writer. I wrote instructions for a variety of products, from a drying tumbler that holds 170 pounds of laundry to a commercial lawn mower, and all the bells and whistles that go with those products. I should be able to follow a set of instructions, right?
Wrong.
At home, having to deal with something that requires assembly instantly puts me into a bad mood. It is possible that steam comes out of my ears, and I have to confess that overly-colorful words often spill out of my mouth.
Why? Having worked as a technical writer, I have a certain expectation level for the quality of the instructions. (My work in the food service industry has likewise ruined me for fast food restaurants.)
A recipe is an excellent example of good tech writing. There is a list of ingredients and step-by-step instructions on how to turn them into something tasty.
Good instructions should have a parts list, so the victim, er, person assembling the product, can make sure they have everything they need before they start. A list of tools required for the job is also helpful. Illustrations make it easier to identify the parts, and should be well oriented so you know what you are looking at. A picture may be worth 1,000 words, but a good illustration is priceless. The text should be simple and is best in a numbered list, not a jumbled paragraph where it is easy to lose track of where you are.
Most of the things I’ve purchased that required assembly have had missing parts, unclear graphics (if any at all), and incoherent instructions. Sometimes the instructions are something that started out in another language and was then translated into English. In other circumstances, those can be humorous to read.
I’ve put together a desk, shelves for the closet, a CD rack, a bookshelf and a pantry cupboard. The cupboard bears witness to why one needs good instructions and illustrations. To access the middle shelf, you have to open all four doors. It wasn’t my fault, it was the poor graphics.
When I started out as a tech writer, I went from not knowing what a monkey wrench was to dreaming of a shopping spree through the tool department at Sears. I’m slowly building up a decent set of tools. Having good tools makes a world of difference.
Perhaps the problem is me, and not just the instructions. During the holiday season, I have to send my son from the room when I put together the artificial tree, so as not to spoil his Christmas spirit with my grumbling.
Before I started dealing with the fan assembly, I warned my son “You might want to leave the room, Mom’s about to get mental.”
He watched from a distance as I wrestled with the parts and tools. Finally, the tower fan was standing, and we plugged it in to see if it was operational.
It was.
My son asked “Can I do the second fan?”
He settled down with the instructions and tools, and with a little help from me, had the second fan put together pretty quickly.
“What was so hard about that?” he asked.
Maybe it is me. “Doesn’t follow directions well” was often one of the negatives on my report cards.
It seems that all his years of assembling Legos products have paid off, to my benefit. He can assemble future projects.
I’ll stick to following recipes.