Positive Parenting

Originally published in 2008

Positive parenting

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of attending an event hosted by Cambria-Friesland High School. The school district hosted Bill Collar, a speaker, author and educator.

Collar spoke to teachers and students during the day, and a special seminar was held in the evening for parents. Although I went there as a reporter, Collar’s message about the importance of positive parenting appealed to me as a mother, too.

Collar was introduced by Jim Bylsma, who told the crowd about how much he admired and respected Collar. When a person you respect talks about someone they respect, you should pay close attention.
Collar shares Bylsma’s regard, and told the audience what a treasure they have in Bylsma.
“Coaching is teaching...teaching is coaching,” Collar said. “I’m proud to call Jim one of my friends.”
Collar, who has been honored as a “Wisconsin Coach of the Year,” “Wisconsin Social Studies Teacher of the Year” and “Wisconsin Teacher of the Year,” spoke about his background as a parent raising three daughters and his experiences as a teacher and coach in Seymour.
He said that no one in his family had ever gone to college. His father and grandfather owned a tavern. Collar shared a story about h a teacher who encouraged him to go to college and another teacher who told him it would be a miracle if he ever graduated from college. He set out to prove the second teacher wrong and attended UW-LaCrosse.
“I had a 4.0 in my first year,” Collar said. “A 1.8 the first semester and a 2.2 the second.”
He also said that he graduated in two terms - “Kennedy’s and Johnson’s.” Collar graduated after six years and went on to teach and coach.
Collar advised parents to “Keep one blind eye and one deaf ear” when it comes to what is going on in their kids’ lives, but that the most important thing when dealing with teenagers is communication.
“You must keep the lines of communication open,” Collar said.
Collar said that it is important to let your kids know you are proud of them, perhaps just as important as knowing that you love them. He also said that people learn from setbacks, and parents should not work too hard to shield children from failure.
“It’s OK for young people to fail at something. In fact, perhaps they will learn more from it.”
Collar talked about the importance of believing in yourself, and shared tips on how to be a champion in whatever you do, from school, sports and more and the value of preparation, self-discipline, commitment, loyalty, courage, respecting others and hard work.
Collar said that it was important to be a parent to your children, and not a grown-up friend, and used examples from raising his daughters to emphasize his point.
“I never needed friends, I needed daughters who respected me and knew I loved them.”
He also said that instead of focusing on “No” messages to your children like “don’t do drugs” and “don’t drink” to talk to them about making good decisions, and that you trust and believe in them.
After the session, Collar autographed copies of a book he wrote and offered parents copies of a workbook he put together for a student success seminar.
“Attitudes are contagious,” Collar said. “Be sure yours is worth catching.”

Be a parent, not a friend

Two of Bill Collar’s tips on positive parenting and helping your children succeed in school and extra-curricular ativities really resonated with me — his advice about focusing on being a parent to children and not a grown-up friend and that parents should help their kids explore financial aid options for college rather than having their child work too many hours at a part time job to earn money.
I sometimes fear that I am guilty of trying to be more of a friend to my son than a parent. I love to hear him laugh and we share a lot of the same taste in music. He’s pretty well-behaved in public, but with me he can be quite the smart aleck. It’s not entirely his fault, he comes from a long line of smart alecks. I just don’t think he has the healthy balance of fear and respect for me that I had for my parents.
My parents shared Collar’s no job for teens philosophy. They made sure my sister and I had what we needed, plus a small monthly allowance. The occasional babysitting job provided some extra cash. Other than that it was our “job” to be students, giving us plenty of time to focus on learning, sports and other activities and time with our friends. When it came time to pay for college, my parents split the cost of tuition and books 50-50 with me. 

National Treasures

Originally published in August 2008

Appreciating National Treasures

Earlier this month, Wall Arch collapsed in Arches National Park in Utah. Fortunately, no one was hurt in the collapse. Wall Arch was located along the popular Devils Garden Trail. The longest natural arch in the world, Landscape Arch, is located not far from Wall Arch. A portion of Landscape Arch collapsed in 1991. 
My family first visited Arches National Park in 1984, shortly after we moved to Western Colorado, and visited it several times during our eight years living in Colorado. Our last visit to Arches National Park was in 1991, shortly before we moved back to the Upper Peninsula.  The forces of nature, gravity and erosion, have caught up with several natural wonders in the last five years. New Hampshire’s Old Man of the Mountain, a series of granite cliffs that looked like the profile of a craggy-faced man, collapsed in May 2003. An image of Old Man of the Mountain can be found on the New Hampshire state quarter.  Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore, located on the South Shore of Lake Superior near Munising, Mich. lost part of one of its most photographed landmarks two years ago. The right tower of Miners Castle broke off in April 2006 and fell 90 feet into Lake Superior.  I’ve long been dumfounded by how many people who are native to an area have not visited nearby national or state parks or landmarks. The National Park Service manages 58 national parks, 44 national memorials, 89 historic site, national monuments and more. Wisconsin has 66 state park and recreation areas, and over 471,000 acres of state forest. These are a great and affordable resource for camping, hiking and other recreational activities, or just a nice place to visit for a day trip with a picnic lunch.  My family took a lot of day and weekend trips when I was growing up. My father was an avid photographer who preferred landscape shots to taking pictures of people. When I was 8, we drove down from the U.P. to meet friends and camp near Devil’s Lake, a trip made memorable because I left behind my winter coat in a park bathroom. We visited a lot of parks in Upper Michigan and did a lot of traveling while living in Colorado. In addition to Arches National Park, my family and I have visited Bryce Canyon, Canyonlands, Capital Reef and Zion national parks in Utah, Mesa Verde, Black Canyon of the Gunnison and Rocky Mountain national parks and Colorado National Monument in Colorado, the Grand Canyon and Canyon de Chelly in Arizona, Yosemite in California and more.  The collapse of Wall Arch, Miners Castle and Old Man of the Mountain remind us that we should not put off visiting the natural wonders of our country, because they won’t be there forever.  Visit www.nps.gov for more information on national parks.


UPDATE- Another arch collapsed in Utah recently. Read about it here.

Some Assembly Required

Originally published August 2005

Some Assembly Required

With the summer heat, the air conditioning unit in my house can’t seem to keep the second floor cool enough for sleeping. I own one 20-inch box fan, but my son and I have been squabbling over who gets to have it in their room at night. So, on Tuesday evening, I bought two tower fans on clearance, one for each of us. I opened the box for one fan just before my son’s bedtime, expecting to just put it in his room and plug it in.

No such luck. I’d overlooked the microscopic printing on the box, with the phrase so many dread. The three foulest words in the English language...“Some assembly required.”
Now, I spent over six years as a technical writer. I wrote instructions for a variety of products, from a drying tumbler that holds 170 pounds of laundry to a commercial lawn mower, and all the bells and whistles that go with those products. I should be able to follow a set of instructions, right?
Wrong.
At home, having to deal with something that requires assembly instantly puts me into a bad mood. It is possible that steam comes out of my ears, and I have to confess that overly-colorful words often spill out of my mouth.
Why? Having worked as a technical writer, I have a certain expectation level for the quality of the instructions. (My work in the food service industry has likewise ruined me for fast food restaurants.)
A recipe is an excellent example of good tech writing. There is a list of ingredients and step-by-step instructions on how to turn them into something tasty.
Good instructions should have a parts list, so the victim, er, person assembling the product, can make sure they have everything they need before they start. A list of tools required for the job is also helpful. Illustrations make it easier to identify the parts, and should be well oriented so you know what you are looking at. A picture may be worth 1,000 words, but a good illustration is priceless. The text should be simple and is best in a numbered list, not a jumbled paragraph where it is easy to lose track of where you are.
Most of the things I’ve purchased that required assembly have had missing parts, unclear graphics (if any at all), and incoherent instructions. Sometimes the instructions are something that started out in another language and was then translated into English. In other circumstances, those can be humorous to read.
I’ve put together a desk, shelves for the closet, a CD rack, a bookshelf and a pantry cupboard. The cupboard bears witness to why one needs good instructions and illustrations. To access the middle shelf, you have to open all four doors. It wasn’t my fault, it was the poor graphics.
When I started out as a tech writer, I went from not knowing what a monkey wrench was to dreaming of a shopping spree through the tool department at Sears. I’m slowly building up a decent set of tools. Having good tools makes a world of difference.
Perhaps the problem is me, and not just the instructions. During the holiday season, I have to send my son from the room when I put together the artificial tree, so as not to spoil his Christmas spirit with my grumbling.
Before I started dealing with the fan assembly, I warned my son “You might want to leave the room, Mom’s about to get mental.”
He watched from a distance as I wrestled with the parts and tools. Finally, the tower fan was standing, and we plugged it in to see if it was operational.
It was.
My son asked “Can I do the second fan?”
He settled down with the instructions and tools, and with a little help from me, had the second fan put together pretty quickly.
“What was so hard about that?” he asked.
Maybe it is me. “Doesn’t follow directions well” was often one of the negatives on my report cards.
It seems that all his years of assembling Legos products have paid off, to my benefit. He can assemble future projects.
I’ll stick to following recipes.

Blast from the pasty

As originally published in a 6/23/07 edition 

Blast from the pasty

There are times when you need a taste of home, a comfort food that takes you back to your childhood. Many comfort foods are regional, like fried chicken or chicken fried steak in the South. For Yoopers, a good pasty might just be the ultimate in comfort food. A pasty is made of meat and vegetables baked into a thick crust. It’s by no means health food, the crust is made with equal parts lard and shortening, though some use oleo. If you’re a meat and potatoes kind of person, you’ll like the pasty. 

Growing up in the UP, pasties were a staple at family gatherings and trips to my grandparents’ cottage on Beatons Lake. The pasties were either homemade or picked up from one of many local pasty shops. Pasties can be found on the menu of many diners and cafes up north, and the shops that specialize them offer half-baked frozen pasties for people to finish cooking at home. My cooler was purchased on a trip to the UP because I wanted something to transport pasties home in.
The origin of pasties can be traced to Cornwall, England, where it evolved as a meal for Cornish tin miners. The thick crust kept the filling warm, and was carried by the miners as their lunch. Mining was once one of the major industries in the UP, and people from other cultures, particularly Finns, made pasties too. Since I can trace my ancestry back to both Finland and Cornwall, the pasty is part of my heritage. Other cultures have foods similar to pasties, like empanadas, knishes, samosas, panzarottis, and pierogis. The Italian calzone, or pizza pasty, is another favorite of mine.
I made pasties this week for the first time, following a recipe in a cookbook member of my mother’s family compiled more than 20 years ago. My family still gives my oldest aunt, whose recipe it is, grief for the time she made pasties and forgot to wash the parsley - the gritty results had to be trashed and people had to scramble to put together a meal for a hungry mob.
The crust is made first and cutting a cup each of lard and shortening into seven cups of flour is a workout. After the dough was made, I set it aside to chill and began preparing the filling.
Traditionally, pasties are more vegetable than meat, since meat was a luxury. At today’s grocery prices, meat may again become a luxury. I cut three pounds of chuck steak into cubes, then peeled and chopped up five large potatoes and a large onion. Then I washed and minced about a third of a cup of fresh parsley that I grew myself. Salt and pepper were the only seasonings. Some recipes use rutabaga, but I’ve never been a fan. The use of ground beef or carrot is often considered the mark of an inferior pasty.
The pasty recipe said the dough made about eight to 10 crusts. I made nine small balls of dough, rolling each one out to be slightly larger than a pie tin. I added about two cups of filling, then folded over the crust and crimped the edges. I could have taken the time to make smaller pasties, but it was getting late and I wanted to get them in the oven. Some pasty shops make a product that is almost sandwich sized and can be easily picked up and eaten.
Six of the pasties went into the oven for 75 minutes at 375 degrees, and I wrapped up the other three and froze them. The pasties smelled so good as they baked that my son and I opted to split one as soon as I pulled the pans from the oven. Some people like ketchup or a gravy on their pasty, others think that’s a sacrilege. The remaining pasties saved me from having to cook on hot days, as the pasties reheat nicely in the microwave. The best part is my son didn’t complain about eating leftovers and was eager to tuck in to another pasty meal.
The pasties were good, but with room for improvement. They were rather dry, and I’d like to have a flakier crust, with more evenly sliced meat and taters. I may apprentice myself to my aunt and grandmother on my next trip north, as there are always things good cooks do instinctively that they sometimes leave out of the recipe. My mom said she puts a pat of butter inside the crust of her pasties to help the meat and potato juices form a gravy inside as the pasties cook.
If you want to learn more about pasties, Wikipedia has a good entry on them. To order pasties, visit https://ilovepasties.com/. To order them properly on a visit North, remember that it is pronounced “pass-tee.” 

Honoring the Silent Service

My November 17, 2007 column

Honoring the Silent Service

An impromptu family road trip helped me observe Veterans Day last weekend with a glimpse into the conditions veterans who served on submarines worked in during World War II. 

My mother called Saturday before my coffee had kicked in to tell me that my father wanted to get out of the house and go for a drive. Did my son and I want to tag along?
I had planned spending Saturday catching up on household chores but jumped at the excuse to avoid them. We left before noon, heading towards Fond du Lac with the intention of driving to Sheboygan. My father had printed out a list of parks along the shore. 
My mom and son looked over maps in the back seat, and my son suggested Manitowoc as an alternative. 
Once again fulfilling my role as family navigator, I found a new route for us to take, which had us driving past the Johnsonville Sausage plant, Lakeland College and Whistling Straits. 
We stopped at a small park and walked down to the shore of Lake Michigan. The lake was calm and cold. 
After our hike, we headed north to Manitowoc, staying close to the lakeshore. We turned a corner and came in along the Manitowoc River, where something out-of-place in freshwater caught our eyes. 
"That's a submarine," my father said.
The sub was docked at the Wisconsin Maritime Museum, and our leisurely family drive now had a destination. Banners along the riverfront named the 28 submarines made in Manitowoc during WWII, including four labeled as being “on eternal patrol.”
Our timing was perfect, as the next tour of the submarine started in five minutes. Our tour group included a man who served on a nuclear sub in the 1980s. 
A World War II submarine, the USS COBIA (SS-245) is a GATO-class fleet submarine built in Groton, Conn., that is similar to the 28 built in Manitowoc. It has been modified with stairs built into shafts that once were used to lower torpedoes into the sub, so there was no climbing down a hatch to get in. 
There were over 20 of us on the tour, and the atmosphere was not a good one for those who suffer from claustrophobia. I can’t begin to imagine what conditions were like when the USS Cobia was on patrol during
WWII with 80 men on board. 
The USS Cobia was launched in November 1943 and went on six patrols, sinking 13 Japanese vessels, including two bound for Iwo Jima. The Cobia had only one casualty of war. Ralph Clark Houston, a gun loader, died during a running gun duel with Japanese sea trucks. 
The COBIA was considered obsolete by 1959 and was transferred to the Milwaukee Naval Reserve Center for use as a training platform. It was de-commissioned in 1970 and towed to Manitowoc to serve as an international memorial to submariners. It was declared a National Historic Landmark and placed on the National Register of Historic Places in 1986. It has been restored to its original 1945 configuration so that tour groups
can see its torpedo rooms, wardroom, crew's quarters, and engine rooms. I've only ever seen one kitchen smaller than the galley on board the sub, and my college apartment kitchen served two, not 80. 
After the tour, we watched a short video that included footage of the side-launching of a sub, and the route used to get subs from Manitowoc to the Pacific. The highlight of the video was listening to veterans talking about their service on board. We explored the museum which has some fun interactive displays for kids of all ages. 
I’m not sure who had more fun using water to show how locks and dams worked, my father or my son. 
The closest look I’ve had at a submarine prior to our tour had been watching movies like “Operation Petticoat,” “Down Periscope” and “The Hunt for Red October.”
Known as the Silent Service, those who volunteered to serve on submarines represented less than two percent of the Navy during the war but accounted for over 55 percent of Japanese ships sunk. Success came at a high cost, the Navy lost 52 boats and over 3,500 men. 
Visit www.wisconsinmaritime.org to learn more about the museum in Manitowoc. 

Behind the lens

My October 1, 2005 column...

One thing I love about my job is that taking so many pictures each week has improved my photography skills.
I bought my first camera, decimating my childhood savings account, in 1983. I bought it at a camera shop in Chicago while my family was visiting relatives there as we made the move from the Upper Peninsula to Colorado. Photography was a hobby of my father’s that he turned into an art, and I wanted to be just like Dad. I documented each leg of that trip using my new camera, taking photos of the friends and family we visited as we traveled to our new home.
That camera was a Yashika, with auto-focus and a built-in flash. With it I took pictures of my family and places I visited. I have pictures of Yosemite National Park and the Grand Canyon. The Yashika now belongs to my son.
My second camera was another point and shoot, it was dropped about a year after I got it, and it never worked right after that. I’ve only ever used point and shoot cameras. I’ve never taken the time to learn to use cameras that have F-stop settings or that require me to do the focusing.
I started using digital cameras while working as a tech writer for John Deere, documenting steps in how to install something. My first camera at this job was a beast that ate up the juice in rechargeable batteries.
When I got ready for the trip to Colorado with my sister this summer, I finally bought my own digital camera. I love it.
Since I want to learn more about how to take a good photo, I asked to borrow some of my dad’s books on the subject. As he dug some out for me, he paid me a lovely compliment.
“You take better people pictures than I do,” he said.
What have I learned so far about taking a better picture?
If you are taking pictures of kids, get down to their level. Kneel, crouch, or lay down rather than shooting down at them.
Natural light is best, and overcast days offer the ideal lighting for photographs. Don’t only use the flash for indoor photography. Use the flash outside too.
Read the camera manual. I’m not saying that just as a former technical writer. Cameras today have a lot of great settings that can help you take better pictures. Experiment with them.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that they hated getting their picture taken, or that they will break my camera, I’d be rolling in the dough. Remember that I don’t like getting my picture taken either, and I’m willing to shoot a few until we have one you like.
With group photos, it is hard to avoid what looks like a line-up of the usual suspects. I always welcome suggestions for how to take a more interesting picture.
When taking pictures of people, get close. Photograph them from the waist up, or just the head and shoulders. Make sure you’re not cropping off the top of their head and that the background is neutral. You don’t want it to look like a tree limb or wire is sprouting from their heads.
Four years ago, I attended a technical writing conference, and the keynote speaker was a well-known National Geographic photographer.
He talked about where his job had taken him and how much film he used to get that one perfect shot. While he spoke, a slide show of his work played behind him. His advice was to be patient and keep clicking away.
On the job, I always take the camera with me. I’m starting to carry a camera around with me on my own time. I’d much rather try and fail to take a good picture than not be able to take one at all.

2019 update - Working as a technical writer again, and taking my own photos for manuals. Sometimes with a camera, often with my phone. I have my father's digital camera, and use it for special events. I prepped it last month, hoping to use it for photos of the Northern Lights. Turns out I could not stay up late enough to take photographs. 

And now it has been 31 years...

Here is my column from the June 7, 2008 edition of the paper.

Twenty years fly by

Yesterday, a new crop of freshmen was unleashed on the world, as the Class of 2012 was promoted from eighth grade to high school students at Randolph and Cambria-Friesland.
It doesn’t seem possible, but 20 years ago I was enjoying the summer before my freshmen year of high school. Having a son two years away from high school himself is my reality check.
There are a lot of similarities between 1988 and 2008.

In 1988, the Writer’s Guild ended a six-month strike in August, which played as much havoc with television show schedules as this year’s Writer’s Guild strike did. An Asian country was the host of the Summer Olympics, with the 1988 games held in Seoul, South Korea. I remember Flo-Jo’s flashy outfits and outrageous fingernails and watching Greg Louganis hit his head on a diving platform. Ben Johnson was stripped of his gold medal after failing a drug test. He ran the 100M in 9.79 seconds, but the world record went to Carl Lewis, who ran it in 9.92 seconds. The presidential race was underway in 1988, with Bush-Quayle picked as the Republican candidates.
Some things are very different. A gallon of gas cost about $1.08 in 1988, and a first class stamp cost a quarter. Milk was about $2.30 a gallon, and eggs were 89 cents for a dozen.
In sports, the Lakers beat the Pistons for the 1988 NBA championship. That winter, the Milwaukee Bucks won their 1,000th NBA game.
Los Angeles Dodger Orel Herschiser was breaking records in the summer of 1988.
“The Cosby Show” and “Roseanne” were the top shows on TV. Mike Myers began his first season on Saturday Night Live that fall.
Radio stations played “Love Bites” by Def Leopard and “Push It” by Salt-N-Pepa. I still can’t get Kylie Minogue’s remake of “The Loco-Motion” out of my head, or worse, Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry Be Happy.”
“DieHard” first hit screens in 1988. So did “Cocktail,” “Rain Man,” “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?,” “Coming to America” and “Big.” The governator of California starred in “Twins.” Miss Minnesota Gretchen Carlson was crowned Miss America 1989.
My first day as a high school freshman is still very vivid for me. The members of the senior class seemed so much older. My best friend and I watched the boys in our class get hazed by upperclassmen, who made them push quarters across the gym floor with their noses.
There were about 25 people in my freshmen class. My class schedule included ninth grade English, Spanish I, algebra, art, P.E., physical science and choir.
The English teacher often let us play a hybrid of charades and Pictionary on the chalkboard after our weekly spelling test on Fridays.
My first embarrassing moment came at lunch on the first day, when I couldn’t open the combination lock on my locker and the janitor had to come by with bolt cutters so I could retrieve my lunch. I spent the rest of the lunch break at my best friend’s house. She lived a block from the school, and I spent many of my lunch breaks with her. The school had a semi-open campus. Students could leave school grounds on foot, but no one was allowed to drive.
I borrowed a pink dress to wear to my first Homecoming dance, and was tickled when a cute junior asked me to dance. My mom allowed me to get contact lenses when I was a freshman, but I still had braces. I went out for basketball and track, and got to attend the state track tournament as a relay alternate. I was in Knowledge Bowl and the Foreign Language Club. The school skiing trip in late February marked the last time I went downhill skiing in Colorado.
My advice to the Class of 2012 is not to get too nervous for the first day of high school. Get involved and make some great memories. It will be over before you know it.